Do girls just wanna have fun?

For the past few weeks I’ve been searching the internet here and there, looking for articles about fun. What I’ve found have been articles and sites for games and gaming, “how to” pieces incorporating fun (e.g, how to have fun learning), some personals (looking for fun woman), and sites making fun of various things, including psychology. Nothing on fun itself. I finally found “fun with serotonin,” on the psychology today site, although I didn’t really get the fun part of it.

So where do you go when you can’t find something? Wikipedia, of course. When you search for fun, you’re redirected to recreation. First off you see that the article can’t be edited without special approval due to “vandalism.” A small irony here, perhaps. You note at the end that you’re referred, among other things, to a site explaining recreational drugs. But the gist of it is:
Recreation or fun is the expenditure of time in a manner designed for therapeutic refreshment of one's body or mind. There’s a small section entitled “legal restrictions.” Some recreational activities are made illegal in many jurisdictions because of the perceived immorality of certain forms of "fun." Need I say more?


Then there’s Merriam-Webster on fun: what provides amusement or enjoyment; and on play: recreational activity; especially: the spontaneous activity of children.

So if we keep this in mind and focus on ourselves (after all, what’s more important?), what’s fun to us? In other words, what do you do to have fun? I’ll bet you can think of a few things. Now ask yourself, how much time do I spend, in a given day, having fun? Be selective. Even if you love your work, you can’t really count it as fun, can you? Do you need to spend more time having fun?

Why do I care about fun? I find that a lot of people don’t seem to value it much, but it appears that having more is related to being happy. It’s just something to think about. Have fun with it.

And have a listen to Girls Just Want To Have Fun (I like Cyndi Lauper’s version, although apparently Miley Cyrus’ Girls Just Wanna… is quite popular according to iTunes).

Maladaptive Happiness

An oxymoron? A crazed psychologist’s rumination?

Not at all. It’s interesting to note that happiness experts have found that we adapt to exciting, fun new things. I use adapt here referring to the manner in which organisms adapt to their changing environments. According to happiness researcher Sonja Lyubormirsky, we do things to increase happiness, but then we adapt. The thrill wears off. Now I call that maladaptive. We’ve all experienced it:

That hot new guy you absolutely, positively had to have…now that you have him, he’s not all that anymore?

The dissertation you’ve given blood, sweat and tears to produce…by the time you get there it’s a bit ho hum and you’re wondering what next.

The promotion you’ve worked yourself to the brink of death to land, is it really all it was cracked up to be?

Lyubormirsky and colleague Ken Sheldon are now studying whether or not people can avoid that adaptation. They’re going to look at the effect of behaviors like savoring and introducing variety.

The Nine of Cups in Tarot refers to having one’s wish fulfilled or dreams come true. It’s likened to savoring a good meal, to contentment, to sensual pleasure. It’s the wish card. So instead of just taking the hot new guy for granted…well I don’t think I really have to get into the specifics of savoring and variety, do I?

I believe that the notion of celebrating achievements is a kind of savoring. Take the dissertation completion as an example. Instead of letting it drift by virtually unnoticed, celebrating is a way to enhance pleasure in the event. And not just for the few hours of the mad party you’re having, you have to keep it going for a while. I don’t mean the party, I mean the focus on the accomplishment. Maybe keeping a copy right near you in your office is a way to remind yourself of what you’ve achieved.

Variety keeps things interesting. Studying yoga is great fun and exciting to the newcomer. You have to try new poses to keep the fun in it. It’s the same with anything new, you have to find ways to make it interesting and fresh.

So let’s share a good glass of wine, or may a couple for the sake of variety, and savor the experience together.

See the Monitor on Psychology article about Lyubomirsky at

http://www.apa.org/monitor/2008/04/overthinking.html

Runner up for the Miss America Contest

I have clients, friends, acquaintances, who would consider second place (even in the Miss America contest) to be synonymous with failure. What’s wrong with this picture?

While it’s great to achieve excellence, wonderful to push oneself to the limit and undoubtedly a fantastic high to scale Everest (pun intended), every day is not going to be a first place, A+, make-it-to-the-top kind of day.

It’s also important to enjoy modest successes when they come and be proud of the A-minus, especially when you know in your heart-of-hearts you didn’t really study enough for the A.

There’s a fine line between being driven, and being so driven you drive yourself and everyone around you mad. As in most things, it’s good if you can find some kind of balance. A happy medium.

So mom, you’re saying I don’t have to get As? I can hear it already. We have to figure out for ourselves how hard we can push so that it feels right, and how hard is too hard. Stretch, but not so hard you snap. As my yoga teacher says, balance ease with effort.

I can see how it’s all connected to flow, using personal strengths (the subject of my upcoming newsletter: to sign up go to http://www.drjudithtutin.com/Biblio.html) and happiness. Try to undertake endeavors that feel good, capitalize on your strengths and push yourself a little further...and enjoy the journey.

And yes, it’s totally awesome to come in second. After all, you have to be Miss some-state-or-other to even get in. And I have to imagine that that trip down the runway is amazing (no pun intended).

Listen to: Celebration, Kool & The Gang; Vogue, Madonna

Runner up for the Miss America Contest

I have clients, friends, acquaintances, who would consider second place (even in the Miss America contest) to be synonymous with failure. What’s wrong with this picture?

While it’s great to achieve excellence, wonderful to push oneself to the limit and undoubtedly a fantastic high to scale Everest (pun intended), every day is not going to be a first place, A+, make-it-to-the-top kind of day.

It’s also important to enjoy modest successes when they come and be proud of the A-minus, especially when you know in your heart-of-hearts you didn’t really study enough for the A.

There’s a fine line between being driven, and being so driven you drive yourself and everyone around you mad. As in most things, it’s good if you can find some kind of balance. A happy medium.

So mom, you’re saying I don’t have to get As? I can hear it already. We have to figure out for ourselves how hard we can push so that it feels right, and how hard is too hard. Stretch, but not so hard you snap. As my yoga teacher says, balance ease with effort.

I can see how it’s all connected to flow, using personal strengths (the subject of my upcoming newsletter: to sign up go to http://www.drjudithtutin.com/Biblio.html) and happiness. Try to undertake endeavors that feel good, capitalize on your strengths and push yourself a little further...and enjoy the journey.

And yes, it’s totally awesome to come in second. After all, you have to be Miss some-state-or-other to even get in. And I have to imagine that that trip down the runway is amazing (no pun intended).

Listen to: Celebration, Kool & The Gang; Vogue, Madonna